When S and J were dropped off, they had old clothing that didn't fit and there were holes in their clothing too. Sad thing is that the children brought their clothing in plastic garbage bags. What the Fuck! And their toys were broken too. I couldn't help to think, they left one bad situation for another situation; when the children were removed from their biological family. S and J were psychological abused by their 1st foster family; the children were told that crows would pluck their eyes out for lying, the foster parents told J that he was allergic to nuts, so they didn’t have to share brownies; Halloween and Christmas were Satan's holiday, J was 6 years old and in pull ups.. Sigh! Foster families are paid a stipend each month for every child that they have in the home. The stipend helps set off cost with utilities, food, clothing, entertainment, or whatever. However, not every foster family uses their stipend for the children or the rehabilitation toward the children. And not every foster family should be approve to care for children with trauma; foster parents should pass psychological evaluations, take actual psychology classes to understand behaviors, plus training and learning about developmental trauma disorder/reactive attachment disorder, so children have the best possible outcome.
The first 4 months were really rough and tough; J always eloped when things didn't go his way, or he had an explosive temper: he called everyone names, especially the girls; he stole from everyone, was caught, and would always deny that he took anything; he had no problem using cruse words at the age of 6. You would think he was sailor! We were told that this was normal behavior, by all the social works and therapists would say; which over time, things would get better and less behavioral issues. Children just need patients, love, structure, and secure place; but, J had more issues than PTSD, ADHD, and ODD. I knew that his behavior was different. It wasn't normal, even with ADHD and ODD. We worked with J intensely, in some areas he improved just a little, but that was it. Over the years we did many different positive behavior charts, see therapists, and met with support groups; nothing seemed to work really. J’s behavior was like a roller coaster rider; there was ups, downs, twists, turns, and a drop. J was always unpredictable. J could be really happy one minute, and turn around and be so cruel to everyone. S was always the main target for his aggression, and when one of us would try to protect S, J would get even more upset. In public J was very good at charming his way with people, and would not act out, outside the home.
Department of Family and Children Services are much as to blame for their trauma, as well as their biological parents. You would think that, when removing children from their biological family, proper treatment for trauma and diagnosis would be involved. Nope! There definitely needs to be a foster care reform national wide. We are barely scratching the surface with the mental and behavioral healthcare crisis with children in the foster care system: while our prison system is overcrowding with former foster children. Foster children are misdiagnosed with the alphabet soup of mental and behavioral health issues, with different prescribed medication for help along with therapy that doesn't work. Trauma is hard to treatment and diagnosed, but, there are red flag warnings. DFCS social workers are not adequately trained or educated to deal with foster children in the system. DFCS SW's are like a used car salesmen, off load the next child to the next foster family. DFCS has known for so long, that children that are like J, need early intervention. Instead when a behavior becomes an issues, DFCS removes the child to different family "to see if they are a good fit". It’s not about a good fit, it’s about treatment, healing, and surviving the trauma. We were definitely not prepared for S and J, we didn’t have the proper training for children like S and J.
Developmental Trauma Disorder/ Reactive Attachment Disorder/Early Childhood Trauma are all the same, in my opinion. I'm not a professional, just a mom who raised some kids. What is DTD/RAD? Childhood trauma, including abuse and neglect, is probably our nation’s single most important public health challenge, a challenge that has the potential to be largely resolved by appropriate prevention and intervention. Each year over 3,000,000 children are reported to the authorities for abuse and/or neglect in the United States of which about one million are substantiated. Many thousands more undergo traumatic medical and surgical procedures, and are victims of accidents and of community violence (see Spinazzola et al, this issue). However, most trauma begins at home: the vast majority of people (about 80 %) responsible for child maltreatment are children’s own parents. (traumacenter.org)
J’s brain didn’t develop like it should have! The brain develops from the bottom upwards. Lower parts of the brain are responsible for functions dedicated to ensuring survival and responding to stress. Upper parts of the brain are responsible for executive functions, like making sense of what you are experiencing or exercising moral judgement. Development of the upper parts depends upon prior development of lower parts. In other words, the brain is meant to develop like a ladder, from the bottom-up. When stress responses (typically due to consistent neglect or abuse) are repeatedly activated over an extended period in an infant or toddler, sequential development of the brain is disturbed. The ladder develops, but foundational steps are missing and many things that follow are out of kilter. (Odelya Gertel Kraybill Ph.D.)
As an Army wife, my husbands deployments were less stressful for me, than raising two children with developmental trauma. S and J cannot help that those critical years from neurodevelopment stages to 0-5 of age; they were never taught to have empathy, love, structure, boundaries, and safety. Just because S and J were young and don't remember most of their trauma, their brain says something completely different. So, when the DFCS SW told us that because the children were young, and the children would adapt to our family. So not true!
Signs and symptoms of reactive attachment disorder
- Reactive attachment disorder can negatively affect all areas of a child or adolescent’s life and development. There are two main types of reactive attachment disorder: inhibited and disinhibited. Not much research has been done on the signs and symptoms of this disorder beyond early childhood, however as children grow older they may develop either inhibited or disinhibited behavior patterns. In some cases an adolescent will display symptoms of both types.
- Detached
- Unresponsive or resistant to comforting
- Withdrawn
- Avoidant
- Shuns relationships with everyone
- Indiscriminate sociability
- Inappropriately familiar or selective in choice in attachment figures
- Seeks attention from anyone
- Displays inappropriate childish behavior
- Frequently asks for help doing things
- Violates social boundaries
- Additional symptoms:
Behavioral: Destructive, irresponsible, impulsive, and defiant behaviors. Children or teens with RAD may steal, lie, abuse others, start fires, behave cruelly to animals, or act in a self-destructive manner. They also may avoid physical contact with others, and engage in drug or alcohol abuse.
Moral: Teens with RAD may lack faith, compassion, and remorse for their actions.
Emotional: Children who have RAD may feel sad, moody, fearful, anxious, depressed, and hopeless. These children may display inappropriate emotional reactions.
Thoughts: Children and teens who have RAD may have negative beliefs about themselves, life, and other relationships. These children and teens are unable to understand the concept of cause and effect. Additionally, they may experience inattention and challenges with learning.
As of now, both S and J are in PRTF's. their behavioral is dangerous, and because of that, they need special care.
