I’m so fucking tired of fighting....

I’m so fucking tired, mentally and physically! Fighting to make sure G stays safe, J gets proper treatment and to understand how he violated G in the most horrific way, and S gets into a group home, trauma bond with J has caused great distress and distorted thinking for her; for siblings severe mental illness often bond to one another, the abuse and neglect forms the trauma bond. When your brother/sister constantly makes you fear for your own life or the life of your parents because they are Schizophrenic, Reactive Attachment, or severely ODD, you learn to live in survival, this becomes normal to siblings, they learn to survive. And when the chaos is no longer there, their world and reality gets turned upside down. 

When J was at TRM, I fought hard to get an evaluation done for him, when we found out about G's rape. J has so many different mental and behavioral health issues, that he has the alphabet soup of diagnosis, trauma is early childhood does that....here is part of J's evaluation, the most important part! NHC has a reputation of helping adolescences like J. J is going to be a hard case for anyone that takes him in. I don't know what the future J will have, I'm trying to get the help that he needs; his behaviors are scary, because he's 15, his brain is still developing.  

So, I got J into NHC. I have J's monthly reports; he would walk around saying." masturbation is good for you, asked two staff members to get into the closet so he can watch them fuck, makes inappropriate remarks to female peers and female staff, and he was caught watching porn on the classroom computer."  J's aggression never got better, either; he would destroy property, he escaped NHC twice.  

J was kicked out of NHC from the sexual predator program because of his aggressive behavior towards staff and peers; and prior to NHC, J was at TRM. 2 PRFT’s in nearly 3 years and J still hasn’t improved at all; intense 24 hour of care, family therapy, individual therapy, group therapy, recreational therapy, and school. J refuses to participate in most of the therapies; J don’t like the word no and he will do as he pleases. This is the actually normal with children that have had early childhood trauma, of course, DHHS dirty little secret because they've known for years that putting children with love and stable homes don't help. LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!

When we found out about G's violent rape by J, we did everything right by the book, but CID at Ft. Jackson SC and the AUSA will not turn this over to S.C. DJJ. Instead we had to hire a lawyer, just to keep G safe; lawyers cost money we don't have. Even today, I can't wrap my head around what CID did; first, CID SA Williams showing up to the Children's Hospital, especially after what he did to B. Secondly, CID purposely said I didn't want help.  I didn't want CID SA Williams or any male CID agent, I requested a female CID agent. Lastly, CID SA Williams reported to SCDSS that we still were living on Ft. Jackson, and J was living with us. We actually bought a home and living in Kershaw County, SC and J was at TRM, when we self reported to the stat abuse hotline. CID SA Williams is so corrupt, he can go fuck himself! 

The incompetence of Ft. Jackson, SC CID, we have to fight our hardest to keep G safe. We've been on this rollercoaster ride of hell, because DoD, DoJ, AUSA, CID didn't transfer the case to the local authorities. 

Here are two articles that people should read, and it explains the shit show that we're are going through. If you read this, please share and keep sharing. I wrote to 7 Senators and all SC US Representatives  with documentation and letters.

https://www.militarytimes.com/news/your-military/2018/05/07/child-on-child-sexual-assault-problem-at-bases-worse-than-previously-reported-military-officials-disclose/

https://www.militarytimes.com/news/your-military/2020/02/12/military-still-struggles-to-handle-kid-on-kid-sex-assaults/

What lies ahead...

It’s been rough the last few weeks; COVID 19 and my adopted son J was kicked out of his PRFT’s. Finding another PRTF for sexual predators is not easy, so we are looking. We gone to family court, our lawyer fees are in the thousands; and fighting to insure G's is safe, and J gets proper treatment.

Our future is unknown; never know what DSS or Family Court will do.

We have marched into our second year! Oh, still nothing has been done!

April is here, and we are pretty much into our second year on nothing. Honesty, though, it’s exactly what I want expected from BIG GOVERNMENT. At the end of the day, Americans population is around or about 350 million people, that my friend is a lot. so we don't matter, really. 

But common sense from our local, state, or federal elected officials; while so many make policies that changes our lives, but does little to nothing in their lives. Common sense would’ve directed this case to be handed over to the state since we are stationed at Ft. Jackson, SC; you know since civilians and dependents don’t fall under UCMJ. I kind of knew this way back when my husband joined the Army, way back in the day. Chief S. had to explain this to me, even know I knew and understand UCMJ for civilian and dependents.  So logically, D.J.J should have step in for G’s case, but no; CID report to SC D.S.S. Why CID reported to D.S.S is for another blog; just waiting on my case file to write about it, but this coronavirus as slowed this process down. 

I can’t say it enough, CID is incompetent and inadequate, and should not participate in forensic interviewing of any kind; I mean, look at their record with soldiers who has/had been sexually assaulted. Children and adolescents need to be protected from CID. CID can be involved with other military crimes, but not anything with sex crimes. Corruption and bad leadership, makes the worst kind of CID investigators; and there way too many corrupt investigators. 

The sheer lack of integrity is gross misconduct on CID, JAG, DoD. I'm glad have attorney to help us through this custerfuck of a mess that DoD and DoJ put us in. It crazy to even think that, if G was raped outside a military installation, J would be getting mental and behavioral help that he needs, and understanding that there are consequences to rape. As of now, J is currently at a PRTF here in South Carolina for adolescents who have "sexual behavioral problems" juvenile sex predators. J has been in two different PRTF's; his first PRTF was for his aggression, second PRTF was for sexual behavioral problems. J behavior hasn't changed, still has a lot of aggression issues and sexual behavioral problems. Therapy doesn't work, medication does not work; almost 3 years of PRTF's and we haven't reached his goals. Technology, his biological parents fucked him up and his biological sister; and TX DCFS screwed the pooch too. So while I'm making sure that G (my bio daughter) stays safe; I'm making share the J and S mental and behavioral health is provided for; I have to advocate because no one else will.

To My Biological Children...

To my biological children, I'm deeply sorry! I'm sorry that I brought the chaos and trauma into our world. If I would have known, what this journey would have taken us, I would've chosen a different path. I thought I was doing something good, by helping children in need. I could never imagined what trauma actually looks like; no amount of classes, books, or movies could've prepared us for our foster/adopted children.

Reactive Attachment Disorder, Developmental Trauma Disorder, ADHD, ODD, CPTSD, DMDD, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Bipolar; Disruptive, Impulse Control, and Conduct Disorder, Personality Disorders (Anti-Social, Narcissistic, Avoidant, Histrionic), and Paraphilic Disorder... It's a lot of Mental and Behavioral disorders to deal with, and being prepared as a foster parent, we were not. Looking back, I know now, Social Workers are like used car salesmen, they talk up a good game. 

My biology children suffered the worst, because my energy was on my one foster/two adopt children. Their chaos and trauma couldn't be loved away, having a safe and secure home, a roof over their head, and food in their belly. The lack of proper treatment upset me, well, I'm fucking pissed. Social Workers have known for years, that children with Complex Trauma need the best care and treatment; that doesn't mean a therapeutic foster home or regular foster homes. It means sometimes, PRTF’s, that specializes in Complex Trauma; Trauma-Informed Care, Biofeedback, EMDR, Art therapy, Enquire therapy, CBT and other therapies. My biological children should have never been exposed to this nightmare of Complex Trauma. 

H, B, and G, I sorry that you guys had the endure the nightmare roller-coaster ride. I never wanted you to feel that you didn't matter to me, but you do. I never wanted to you all to live with physical, psychological, and sexual abuse in our home and you did; I can never take that back. And in a way, can never forgive myself for bring E, S, and J into our lives. As a mother, I couldn't keep you safe. My sole job was to keep you all safe, shield from violence in the home. I failed you on that part. 

When E came to live with us, he was charming at first. E only lived with us for 2 months, but he had so many issues, that his formal foster family never reported in their reports. H and B you should have never felt unsafe in our own home. I wished I would've knew what E had done sooner. E had so much power over you both, and I missed some of those signs. 

And when we got J and S, I thought because they were 6 and 7, they wouldn't have so many behavioral issues. Of course, the social worker were so sure that we would not have the same problems as E. I was wrong, and she was definitely wrong!! S and J had a hurricane of mental and behavioral issues. I never could have managed what J did to G; it's still hard for me to wrap my brain around her violent rape; she was only 8, and J was only 10 1/2. It's the age, the young age to be honest! How can someone so young be this violent? I will get into that in another blog. 

But, as I apologize, I will still call you out on your bullshit. If you hang out with the wrong group of people or go down the wrong path; I'll tell you the truth, and most times it will sting. Adult children hate it, when parents tell the truth, because adult children don't like to hear it or admit that their parents were right. As your mother, I will be your biggest cheerleadrer, I will support you and show you tough love from time to time. I will make sure you understand personal responsibility and accountablilty. What has happened to you was not you fault, I take the blame on that; because we had to live with trauma, and that trauma doesn't give you an excuse to be assholes or ruin your lives; but, it's up to you too heal from the trauma of E, S, and J. 

I love you H, B, G! 

Juvenile on Juvenile Rape is a problem!!!

What I’ve learn from this shit show of a ride, we’ve been on; Department of Defense does not recognize Juvenile on Juvenile Sexual Assault or Rape. You read that right! If G wasn’t raped on a military installation, we would not be stuck in this limbo situation. If G was raped outside a military installation (Ft.Jackson), she would have had justice. CID and AUSA are two peas in a pod, and the corruption, in the ranks; well, actions speak louder than words. Our situation with CID at ft. Jackson, should be look into, but it's not. CID are like gods, walk around being untouchable. One main reason why nothing has been done, on the legal side of things.

https://apnews.com/41da2867897042399f3f9c55cfde3f16

It’s just not the Department of Defense that should be ashamed of Juvenile on Juvenile Sexual Assaults/ Rape on Military Installations, but the Department of Justice and Department of Health and Human Service; who can not keep juveniles safe on military installation. Enough is Enough! 700 families and counting with no justice. This dirty secret is starting to crack open, slowly, but it’s cracking open for sure. We definitely have a problem with Juvenile Sexual Predator, and no one really wants to address this problem. Well, this is why I’m speaking out as a mother to a Juvenile Rape Survivor!

My daughter will never feel shame of her rape; but she needs to feel safe. Three different Cabinet Secretaries should feel this burden of shame; for years DoD and DoJ knew about Juvenile on Juvenile Sexual Assaults/Rapes and did nothing. Juvenile Sexual Predators are not held accountable for their actions on military installations. And as for DHHS, for years they’ve known about Juvenile Sexual Predators in foster care system; juvenile foster children are misdiagnosed and lack of proper treatment is ignored, so these broken children from abuse and neglect are still falling through the cracks; hurry up and move children into homes is the goal. DHHS don't understand what these broken children are going through, because they are not in the trenches with foster/adoptive parents, so proper treatment for mental and behavioral problems is lacking so much in our community.



The trauma of the abuse and neglect is one thing; but, family separation, no matter how terrible it is, cause more trauma. No amount of classes taught through foster care, could have prepared for our roller coaster ride of horrors; lying, stealing, raging, manipulated, is just the tip of the iceberg that complex trauma that destroys families. Biological children are hurt the worse, they are forgotten! Psychology, physical, and sexual abused by the adopted child/ren is the dirty little secret from DSS; I’m sure there are some successful adoptions from foster care; but our adoption is not one of them. The realization know that our adopted children who have sever mental and behavioral health problems is a hard pill to swallow, no matter what talk therapy we use, or have our children involvement in the arts and sports, church activities, and of course scouts. My children who are adopted are broken.

Adoption from foster care is not the same as it was 30-50 years ago; the intergenerational trauma getting pass down is real, DNA changes with high stress daily. Which no one at the congressional level really wants to talk about, technically Congress will have a "study" and "research" done. And that’s what they’re really good at; prolonging any type of common sense plan for the children who truly needs helps. Especially with todays climate; congress and MSM "we got to beat Trump or Obama is not right'. American people have real world problems, and as for me, no Democrat or Republican President will understand this; just like our policy makers. DHHS for foster care need reform from bottom/up to left to right. Foster/Adoption families needs all types of resources to help heal the broken children, no matter the cost and therapy. The right therapy that can help, but it is denied. Prison should be the last resort. Shame on DHHS and DOJ

If you have read this, please share this blog. People need to understand about Juvenile on Juvenile Sexual Assaults/ Rapes on Military Installation, and DHHS lack of understanding of Reactive Attachment Disorder and how broken children are still falling through the cracks from lack of proper treatment.