The dreadful behavioral issues that social workers don’t talk about...

S and J were dropped off on 28 July 2011 at our home in central Texas; a brother and sister who were up for adoption, their biology parents had their rights terminated. Young Mexican-American parents from San Antonio, that had a shitty upbringing, and no real support on how to be parent. Every ethnicity group has their share of problems, it's nothing new, this is why toxic environments are pass down from generation to generation. We’ve definitely need to do better for children like S and J; I mean, high risks parents need more support. I’m not just talking about WIC, public housing, or welfare benefits. You can be rich, white, and still be shitty parents. We need some kind of mentoring program that teach parents about healthy attachment. 

When S and J were dropped off, they had old clothing that didn't fit and there were holes in their clothing too. Sad thing is that the children brought their clothing in plastic garbage bags. What the Fuck! And their toys were broken too. I couldn't help to think, they left one bad situation for another situation; when the children were removed from their biological family. S and J were psychological abused by their 1st foster family; the children were told that crows would pluck their eyes out for lying, the foster parents told J that he was allergic to nuts, so they didn’t have to share brownies; Halloween and Christmas were Satan's holiday, J was 6 years old and in pull ups.. Sigh! Foster families are paid a stipend each month for every child that they have in the home. The stipend helps set off cost with utilities, food, clothing, entertainment, or whatever. However, not every foster family uses their stipend for the children or the rehabilitation toward the children. And not every foster family should be approve to care for children with trauma; foster parents should pass psychological evaluations, take actual psychology classes to understand behaviors, plus training and learning about developmental trauma disorder/reactive attachment disorder, so children have the best possible outcome. 

The first 4 months were really rough and tough; J always eloped when things didn't go his way, or he had an explosive temper: he called everyone names, especially the girls; he stole from everyone, was caught, and would always deny that he took anything; he had no problem using cruse words at the age of 6. You would think he was sailor! We were told that this was normal behavior, by all the social works and therapists would say; which over time, things would get better and less behavioral issues. Children just need patients, love, structure, and secure place; but, J had more issues than PTSD, ADHD, and ODD. I knew that his behavior was different. It wasn't normal, even with ADHD and ODD.  We worked with J intensely, in some areas he improved just a little, but that was it. Over the years we did many different positive behavior charts, see therapists, and met with support groups; nothing seemed to work really. J’s behavior was like a roller coaster rider; there was ups, downs, twists, turns, and a drop. J was always unpredictable. J could be really happy one minute, and turn around and be so cruel to everyone. S was always the main target for his aggression, and when one of us would try to protect S, J would get even more upset. In public J was very good at charming his way with people, and would not act out, outside the home. 

Department of Family and Children Services are much as to blame for their trauma, as well as their biological parents. You would think that, when removing children from their biological family, proper treatment for trauma and diagnosis would be involved. Nope! There definitely needs to be a foster care reform national wide. We are barely scratching the surface with the mental and behavioral healthcare crisis with children in the foster care system: while our prison system is overcrowding with former foster children. Foster children are misdiagnosed with the alphabet soup of mental and behavioral health issues, with different prescribed medication for help along with therapy that doesn't work. Trauma is hard to treatment and diagnosed, but, there are red flag warnings. DFCS social workers are not adequately trained or educated to deal with foster children in the system. DFCS SW's are like a used car salesmen, off load the next child to the next foster family.  DFCS has known for so long, that children that are like J, need early intervention. Instead when a behavior becomes an issues, DFCS removes the child to different family "to see if they are a good fit". It’s not about a good fit, it’s about treatment, healing, and surviving the trauma. We were definitely not prepared for S and J, we didn’t have the proper training for children like S and J. 

Developmental Trauma Disorder/ Reactive Attachment Disorder/Early Childhood Trauma  are all the same, in my opinion. I'm not a professional, just a mom who raised some kids. What is DTD/RAD? Childhood trauma, including abuse and neglect, is probably our nation’s single most important public health challenge, a challenge that has the potential to be largely resolved by appropriate prevention and intervention. Each year over 3,000,000 children are reported to the authorities for abuse and/or neglect in the United States of which about one million are substantiated. Many thousands more undergo traumatic medical and surgical procedures, and are victims of accidents and of community violence (see Spinazzola et al, this issue). However, most trauma begins at home: the vast majority of people (about 80 %) responsible for child maltreatment are children’s own parents. (traumacenter.org)

J’s brain didn’t develop like it should have! The brain develops from the bottom upwards. Lower parts of the brain are responsible for functions dedicated to ensuring survival and responding to stress. Upper parts of the brain are responsible for executive functions, like making sense of what you are experiencing or exercising moral judgement. Development of the upper parts depends upon prior development of lower parts. In other words, the brain is meant to develop like a ladder, from the bottom-up. When stress responses (typically due to consistent neglect or abuse) are repeatedly activated over an extended period in an infant or toddler, sequential development of the brain is disturbed. The ladder develops, but foundational steps are missing and many things that follow are out of kilter. (Odelya Gertel Kraybill Ph.D.)

As an Army wife, my husbands deployments were less stressful for me, than raising two children with developmental trauma. S and J cannot help that those critical years from neurodevelopment stages to 0-5 of age; they were never taught to have empathy, love, structure, boundaries, and safety. Just because S and J  were young and don't remember most of their trauma, their brain says something completely different. So, when the DFCS SW told us that because the children were young, and the children would adapt to our family. So not true! 

Signs and symptoms of reactive attachment disorder

• Reactive attachment disorder can negatively affect all areas of a child or adolescent’s life and development. There are two main types of reactive attachment disorder: inhibited and disinhibited. Not much research has been done on the signs and symptoms of this disorder beyond early childhood, however as children grow older they may develop either inhibited or disinhibited behavior patterns. In some cases an adolescent will display symptoms of both types. 

Inhibited type:

• Detached
• Unresponsive or resistant to comforting
• Withdrawn
• Avoidant
• Shuns relationships with everyone

Disinhibited type:

• Indiscriminate sociability
• Inappropriately familiar or selective in choice in attachment figures
• Seeks attention from anyone
• Displays inappropriate childish behavior
• Frequently asks for help doing things
• Violates social boundaries
• Additional symptoms:

Relationships: In relationships, a person who has RAD may be bossy, untrusting, manipulative, and controlling. They may have challenges giving or receiving genuine love and affection. Their unstable peer relationships are tenuous at best, as children and teens with RAD blame others for their mistakes or challenges.

Behavioral: Destructive, irresponsible, impulsive, and defiant behaviors. Children or teens with RAD may steal, lie, abuse others, start fires, behave cruelly to animals, or act in a self-destructive manner. They also may avoid physical contact with others, and engage in drug or alcohol abuse.

Moral: Teens with RAD may lack faith, compassion, and remorse for their actions.

Emotional: Children who have RAD may feel sad, moody, fearful, anxious, depressed, and hopeless. These children may display inappropriate emotional reactions.

Thoughts: Children and teens who have RAD may have negative beliefs about themselves, life, and other relationships. These children and teens are unable to understand the concept of cause and effect. Additionally, they may experience inattention and challenges with learning.


As of now, both S and J are in PRTF's. their behavioral is dangerous, and because of that, they need special care. 

G, the secret that she kept...

No parent ever wants to hear that their daughter was raped; especially by a family member. But, we did! G’s mental state for a 10 year old girl from, March 17th 2018 to March 28th 2018, rapidly declined. In the last blog, "It’s been a year...", I talked about how J came out to see our new home; which cause G’s to have mental brake.

In those 10 days, G had nightmares, peed the bed, G cried all day, didn’t want to eat, and got suspended from school because some boy said something similar to J, so G punched him in the nose. In our school district, when a student has a mental break like what G had,  the the student is suspended and they need to see a mental health professional before coming back to school. I absolutely love our school district, because they have been so patient with G’s mental health through our roller coaster year. I remember when I got that phone call from the principal of G’s school, informing me of what happened. I was informed to go to the school counselors office, I still didn’t know what was going on with G’s. When I walked into the school office, I was escorted to the counselors room, G was sitting in a chair, just sobbing uncontrollable. G couldn’t talk, the absolute fear of everything made her shut down. The counselor pulled me out into the hallway, this school counselor has been working with elementary school age children for decades. The counselor told me what she thought G was assaulted. During this time, I was so focus on G; reassuring G that she was not in trouble.

I made an appointment with Dr. B a child psychologist on Ft. Jackson, but G kept getting worse with fear and anxiety. G and J shared the same child psychologist, I would learn later that anything associated with J brought extreme about of stress to G. I canceled G’s appointment, and set G up with appointment with Dr. L, my psychologist. We had a few days before the appointment, all I wanted to do was take away all of G’s fear, anxiety, and despair.

The time came when G would meet my therapist; G was so petrified with fear. As we headed to Dr. L’s room, G just squeezed both mine and her fathers hand. We all walked into the room, G took a seat and Dr. L was beside her, reassuring everything was ok. I was on one side, and her father was on the other side. G started weeping uncontrollably, and out she told her secret. Everyone in the room started crying, the words that came out and she felt a relief.

As G finally told her secret, my heart dropped. G’s father and I just hugged her and told her everything would be fine and she will be safe.  Dr. L went to go get Dr. P-C, she’s the director of her clinic and also a forensic psychologist. We set up an appointment for the next day with Dr. P-C. G’s father And I self reported to the SC state abuse hotline, which the operator advised us to go to the local hospital. We took G down to Prisma Health Children’s Hospital; the check-in administrator put G under anonymous for her privacy. A female nurse took us to a private room, where we explain everything to a female doctor.

As we were sitting in the room, all I felt was guilt. I just thought to myself, here I brought the child into my home, hoping to make a difference. We were always cautious because the was no reporting on sexual abuse from foster care on J and S; J was never allowed to play with the girls with doors shut, never alone, and always a watchful eye. When you decided to adopt from foster care, you go through different training and classes; you hear stories, and you are told to take precautions. We did this! But, I never fathom what J did, where J raped G, and at his age.

The time went by slowly, we had to wait for a sexual assault victim advocacy nurse, she had to drive from Raleigh, N. C. Yep, about a 3 1/2 hour drive and female. A female therapist, female ER doctor, female SAVA nurse. Well, some time went by, the SAVA nurse said since G’s rape was over 6 months ago, checking G would retraumatize her. Rape needs to be a very sensitive in gathering the facts, evidence, and who interacts with the victim. CID has dropped the ball when it comes to all sexual assault cases; in reality, CID should never investigate any sexual assault cases. Personally what we’ve encountered on being falsely accused and a rape in our family, their needs to be an independent investigation outside the military handle all sexual assault cases. In G's case everyone was being sensitive to this case from the beginning, starting with the counselor at G’s school, Dr. L and Dr. P-C, the ER doctor, and the SAVA nurse. But things went down hill after that, when I saw #CID #SA W outside G’s door, I lost it.

 I can’t believe this male CID SA out of Ft. Jackson showed up! The same CID SA that caused so much psychological trauma on 1 November 2016 to my oldest daughter B.  This CID SA had some balls on him, thinking I would just be fine with him showing up. My face turned red, gave him some choice words, I was not holding nothing back. You see, our last name is very uncommon, it’s a dying last name, we are the only family with our last name that is active duty throughout the Army; CID SA W from Ft. Jackson knew exactly what he was doing, so did his chain of command.

So after CID SA W left, we waited for about 20 minutes; it’s for his own safety from me. Nothing is worst than a CID SA who psychologically tries to play mind games, to any teen and young per-adolescent girl, this is a form of abuse of power. CID agents are bullies with badges. G’s case should be handle over to the state, so G can get some form of justice, and J gets the intense help that he needs. G's raped happened on federal property, military installing; but I'm not asking for a UCMJ, because this is not a UCMJ case when two minors are not military personnel. I just want G's case to be handed off to the state, DJJ preferably. CID can hand of the case.  Honestly, I don’t know if any treatment will help him. I’m still writing a blog on J’s behavior with DTD/RAD, and the struggle for treatment.

B is working on her blog about Ft. Jackson’s CID SA W, CID SA T, and Chief S. Right now, she’s busy with her pre-vet studies and Cheer at the college she attends; so be patient because once you read her blog on how CID treated "a teen sexual assault victim" you’ll understand why I’m upset.

G will always be the bravest young girl I know! I draw my strength and courage from G, this why I'm fight so hard for her, and even J. I've been communicating with a SC US Senator, which had been helpful. I've learned now that there was a section added to the National Defense Authorization Act; FY19 NDAA Section 1089. I'm reaching out to different organizations for help as well; if G's raped happened anywhere outside a military installation, G would have closure and J would get help that he needs.

It's been a year...

One year ago today, 3/17/2018, our lives would forever change, we just didn't know yet.  Our adopted son, J, had been living at a residential treatment center since August of 2017 for his behavior. On this day, we picked J up, it was his therapy travel visit. We took J shopping, went to Applebee's for lunch, got him a hair cut, and took J out to our property to see the new place. We, J's parents and his therapist, thought seeing our new home would motivate J.

As we arrived to our home, J didn't seem interested in being there. His dad and I showed him the house, and what would his room. J just shrugged his shoulders. J's adopted siblings and biological sister were outside. Big brother H took the girls outside, they all felt uncomfortable around J. J's behavior could be extreme to say the least, no one could understand what's it like to live with a child with early childhood trauma, unless you have a child like J. All our classes and books that we took and read, to prepare for our adoption, could never compare to reality. J was only at our home for less an hour, 30 to 40 minutes. J's biological sister S, was anxious to be around him, her stomach was in knots; their relationship stems from trauma bonding, but no therapist could explain that to me when he was living with us. G didn't even say hello, but I would understand the "why", by the end of March. J was never alone with anyone, I was his shadow; of course, he didn't like that.

As we took J back to the residential treatment center, J stayed quiet all the way to the center. It was actual nice, usually J is rude, argumentative, and hyper.  My husband and I talked about how we were going to enjoy back yard BBQ's, outdoor movies, gardening, and raising small farm animals (chickens, goats, ducks, rabbits, and hogs). As we pulled up, J hop out of the burby, and was ready to be back at the center. J was never really about closeness with us, unless it was something he could gain from it; power, control, and manipulation at this early age in life. Throughout other blogs, I will explain J's behavior.